Caydi/ 19 / Fort Collins/ ColoradoOneLove <3
They say that if you dream of something more than once, it's bound to come true ~Alice in Wonderland~
I have named the streets of my town after all the lovers that made me break inside.
I tell you this on our third date, sipping coffee over sandwiches at your favorite café. When you ask why, I say it’s because all the ruts their wheels have run into my skin stayed ingrained on my heart. I am not one to let go of love, I warn, and you ask if this is why, when you slept over, you stubbed out your cigarette in my last boyfriend’s ashtray.
Yes, of course, and we slept under my first lover’s sheets. I wore an old t-shirt that still smells like the person I gave my soul to in college, when I thought boys with sad eyes meant all their beautiful words. Yes, and the blue lampshade. Yes, and the chipped coffee mug. Yes, and the scars. Always the scars.
What will remain, you ask me, if I ever leave? What will you take to cling to as your new lover sleeps beside you?
After a silence passes between us, I say your eyes. I’ll write a poem about how I once kissed the blue of them and keep your eyes at my bedside. Every night, I will return to the cobalt sea and every night, for years and years, you will be everything that drowns me.
People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like “be realistic”.
It never mattered whether you
wanted me or not, I belonged
to you outright the moment I
showed you my brokenness and
you kept looking at me like
I was whole